Tuesday, November 25, 2014

The Danger "Down There"

It's a perfectly normal business, something we all do at least once a day, a visit to the little room, the toot, the WC, the washroom, the Bathroom, the ladies, the gents. 


What ever you want to call it. it's something we all use.

A place we we can go, attend to our business and leave in a slightly more relaxed state than that in which we entered, or so you would think......

In Bali, this experience may leave you with a little more (or perhaps a little less) than you bargained for.

As most of these places can emit a stench that warns you of their existence a little before you disembark the plane at round 240 kilometers away from the actual building, you usually know exactly where to find them. 

Armed with an aroma that threatens to suffocate you by evaporating any remaining oxygen in your lungs as you walk past, you decide you don't really need to go THAT badly and hang on for as long as is humanely possible.

Strangely enough, sometimes this works and it goes away, I'm really not quite sure how a full bladder can mysteriously empty by itself, I think this is partly what causes the tourists to develop a slightly yellow tan, it's not really sun it's just their bodily fluids being distributed throughout their skin, rather than flushed away. Of course I am no authority on this, it's just an observation.

But is is not always the case; sometimes it just gets worse and worse, you convince yourself you can hang on or perhaps it may be redistributed.

After several more hours haggling over fabric, lounging on the beach or bargaining for 3.5 hours to save 500 rupiah (yes, of course you don't immediately realise this is worth about 5c),  you become aware that nothing funny had better happen or you are in for an accident. 

You develop a staunch look straight ahead, hopefully ensuring nothing amuses you in the slightest.

Your kidneys start to ache so much you begin to wonder if in a drunken stupor the night before, it is a possibility that someone may have sneakily removed one of them. Wildly swiping around your back you are relieved to find that all your skin is in tact, thus ensuring the containment of your vital organs.

Alas in that moment you feel a sense of relief, the lower parts of your anatomy also start to experience a sense of relief. You slap your legs together so hard you nearly pass out from the bones in your knees clacking together and immediately realise you absolutely MUST find a toilet - RIGHT NOW!

Racing into the first warung (restaurant) you come across, you decide it will be ok, you shout out an order of a fruit juice as you race past the waitress in search of the kamah kecil (little room).

Upon entering, all seems well, there is the usual white plastic seat, probably a hand basin, maybe a bucket of water to wash yourself with and then flush the toilet and if its slightly more westernised, maybe even some toilet paper.

You rip your pants off with the speed and haste of a banshee gone feral, prising the fabric out from between your tightly clenched knees and relax on to the plastic, ahhhhhhhhh, the relief.

After about 6 hours and 42 minutes (well it seems like that) you are considerably lighter, having possibly passed a few liters of fluid (well everyone did tell you you must drink a lot in the tropics or you will dehydrate).

You gently arise from your seated position only to discover Holy mother of god, a deadly creature of the night has stung you in the nether regions, not only stung, but firmly latched on.

It's human instinct to immediately leap up in the air away from the harbinger of doom, alas you are fairly attached to the toilet seat in a way no man or woman should ever be.

Oh my god, you feel the room swimming and sense that you are about to black out. Not only has it gone where few have dared to tread, it is now pinching you with such ferocity the hairs on the top of your head are eliminating themselves one by one.

Screaming with agony you peer down to discover that there is a crack in the toilet seat that has opened up as the weight of your desperate request for relief plonked down, yet once relieved and you attempt to stand, it firmly snaps shut on parts that were never intended to be trapped.

You are desperately alone (well thank god for that really) and firmly trapped, caught in the revenge of the seat that has lacked in its resolve of the previous person standing on it

.Many Asian cultures are used to squat toilets and when confronted with an actual seat on a porcelain bowl are so confused by what to do that they teeteringly balance, feet astride the bowl, causing it to break or crack over time.

And herein lies your dilemma, due to the previous abuse, you now pay the price, caught firmly by your who ha!

Every pore of your being is screaming "run away, rip it off" but your sense of self preservation and the fact that the beads of sweat running down your face preventing you from seeing clearly only just mask the fact that you are in so much pain you can't see straight anyway.

Your "bits" are now turning an alarming shade of purple and trust me it makes no difference if you are male or female, these broken bowls don't discriminate!

A piecing noise slowly emits from your lips, but a sense of shame and embarrassment quickly reins it back in. At this stage a Brazilian waxing session is looking like something peaceful and fun to do.

You realise there's no alternative but to sit back down (as the toilet ring is now hovering mid air, held up by your privates at an alarming angle) your mind briefly wanders to some Olympic record for doing such things, but no, you snap back into your body and realise the only way to remove this foreign object is to sit on it and use your weight to release the grip.

Seriously easier said than done, when the most intimate part of your body is trapped in something that feels like a blend of rattlesnake poison and the sting of a scorpion, mildly attached with the gentle force of 7 semi trailer trucks, the last thing that enters your mind is "lets sit on it".

Alas it is the only option and with a squeal that makes the entire restaurant stop eating you sit down, instantly you are released, wiggling forward to escape the plastic clutches your entire body collapses on the wet floor, who cares that you are sitting in a mixture of toilet water and urine, you have been given a new lease of life.

One part of you feels as those you have escaped the clutches of hell having gone through some demonic ritual of fire, another part of experiencing a sense of being at one with the angels.

Your nether regions now have their own heartbeat!

It is enough to turn the most stalwart atheist into a believer.

This scenario is far more common than you think and like a zipper caught where it shouldn't be, hopefully it only happens once in your lifetime

But if nothing else, from this point onwards, you will always look before sitting for the "danger down there".


Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Ubud to release your karma

I was in a meeting recently with my Indonesian teacher (learning bahasa Indonesian) when the topic led into all things metaphysical.

He had a really interesting viewpoint on how life Exists and plays out in Ubud.

He had come from a rather difficult background, with some choices in his life that did not necessarily fit with his community. He shared with me how he thought he would have a fresh start once he arrived in Bali. However he quickly discovered that rather than a fresh start it was in fact a place where you have to bring up all of your past.

To many people Bali is known as the land of the gods however he likens it to the land of your karma

Thinking that he would have a fresh start once he arrived he was ready to embrace his new life, to begin fresh, to be in a place where nobody knew him and to have a brand-new beginning.

Awakening ready to start his new life he quickly discovered that rather than begin something new everything that he had not dealt with in his past seem to come into his present. Everything that he had run away from was right here ready to face him. Every relationship he left with unfinished business seem to appear in another person in Ubud.

He said his first month was the most difficult, but in fact his past, just kept hitting him in the face until one day he found the need to stop to listen to face his past events.

He went on to explain to me that he believes everyone here is really lucky, as it is the most beautiful place in the world to face in the past and to heal your karma. It is a place where, when you're feeling uncertain and unsettled, or perhaps a little fragile about past events. you can find a space to breathe, you can go out into the rice fields and experience beauty, serenity and a sense of wonderment.

Yes your past certainly hits you in the face - but it also gives you the space in which to heal and release it if you are prepared to look deeply within yourself.

If you are able to do this, there is certainly a plethora of healers teachers and intuitive healing in place in Ubud that will assist you to find who you really are, to unlock the blockages that are holding you back and to move forward in life.

He said me that you can choose to deny it if you want to, but he observes that every person that comes to live (longer term) Ubud is either searching for something or running away from something. What an interesting thought to reflect upon.

This may not apply to the holidaymakers but most of the people that I have found that have come to live in Ubud for personal reasons seem to fit this category. Some of them may not even realise that this is the reason they are here, they have simply come and felt at home and decided to stay. With this choice life unfolds around them.

He said over the years he has worked as a teacher, he has had many conversations with people that have become his students and through all of them he is found the generally if people are prepared to look deeply within themselves their healing space spans three months.

I shared with him that I found that really interesting because although wonderful this past month has certainly bought up all manner of things in my past that I have had to look at. It has been a wonderful experience of great food, fantastic views, amazing people I have met and a joyful situation where I feel safe to look at my past.

I will travel to australia for 6 weeks, then return where I have rented another house for the next two months. Interestingly it is in a location that is very readily accessible to the healers and the support systems which I need in place for my healing and then I have found a secluded paradise where I totally feel at home, which has become available to me in the month after that.

He joyfully laughed, clapping his hands and said "yes, yes, that is wonderful you have already done your main healing, the next two months you face your deep healing and then at the end and I know you will achieve it you have been given a great prize".

Of course this is his viewpoint and his opinion on life although for me at the moment it fits very closely with what I have also experienced.

I look forward to the unfolding mysteries and awakenings that is life in Bali.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Do I really need a motorbike licence in Bali

Riding a motorbike in Bali is one of the most common things to do. it is a great way to get around easily and cheaply and with the crazy traffic jams that exist here, it is often much quicker than by car.

From the area we are currently living in, I realised that to get to Green School by motorbike rather than by car would be 30 minutes ride compared to over an hour drive (each way) maybe longer.

Taking into consideration costs, times, heat and a sense of freedom, a bike certainly seemed like the best solution.

Now riding a motorbike in Bali is not for everyone and if you have never ridden before, I certainly do not recommend it. You will certainly be jammed in tight squeezes from time to time with a hairs breadth between you and a truck. Certainly not a time to get the wobbles or lack co-ordination skills in motorbike handling.

You also do not have the protection of a car around you, so it is a choice that each person must weigh up for themselves.

Contrary to popular belief, helmets are required.
You may get away with it for some time, but police do pull people over and fine them regularly and if you happen to have an accident, it may well save your life, so definitely a good idea.

The helmets available here certainly vary in quality, from OK to "you'd be safer wearing an ice cream container".

If you are serious about it and especially for children, you may like to bring a helmet from your country where you can be assured it meets safety standards. It fits easily into luggage and you can pack soft clothing into the head space. If you think you may not need it when you return and you buy an open faced, matte black one I can assure you everyone here will want it so you should be easily able to sell it or make a locals day by donating it to someone you have become fond of, if you don't want to take it home.

Whilst a simple car license will allow you to rent a bike here, you may like to check if your insurance covers you in the unlikely event of an accident. I asked a few companies in Australia and some would not cover motorbikes under any circumstances. Aussie Travel Cover had no problems with it as long as the rider was legally licensed to ride a motorbike either in the country they are riding in or their home country.

Decision made (for me anyway), lets do it properly. I've done my motorbike license in Denpasar twice and whilst pretty easy, there are mountains of red tape, it wastes an entire day and expires after a little while. So the choice became easier, get it done (once) in Australia.

GETTING LEGAL IN AUSTRALIA:
Now to those around me, it seemed like I breezed through it, go and book a full day with Hart, come away from no experience to well trained and with your learners license in 1 day. OK, sounds pretty simple. Well for some, perhaps it is, but for a middle aged woman, doing it for a life choice to get her daughter to school, there was a bit more to it than that.

Firstly there's the arrival to the training centre surrounded by well built young men with adventures ahead of them, being trained to become an even bigger chick magnet than they already think they are. I eagerly scanned the group and was delighted to find 2 other women who I struck up an immediate aching need friendship with.

Helmets off - test completed - putting bikes away
Then there's the sheer terror joy of getting on a moving vehicle which you have to turn, sometimes with your body more than your hands and projecting through space at a screamingly terrifying speed of nearly 20kms per hour.

Ho ho you chortle, you try it! It's darn nerve racking the first time. Let alone learning stopping, turning, cornering, emergency stopping and avoiding the other riders - you don't have to worry about the instructors too much, they know not to be in the middle of the riders path much (maybe from past experience).

If you can ride a push bike the men at HART are pretty good at getting you going, although one young Asian man did seem to have his motorbike stuck up a ramp or over the hill ever time I looked around. Eventually in desperation the instructor asked him in all sincerity "have you ever ridden a pushbike" He looked confused and replied "No, too hard to balance".

The next corner I came around, I noticed he and the motorbike were laying down on the wet grass about 100 feet off the track. The next time around, he had somehow impaled his motorbike firmly on top of a metal star picket and he and his instructor were trying to lift it up and off . The instructors face had a weird sideways grimace to his mouth.

By the end of the day, all of us (except the young man above) were proudly handed our learners licences and told to "go practice and come back in a few months".

Perfect girls bike, cheap, comfortable and low to ride.
I got a little 250cc Suzuki Maurauder - perfect for gals as it's a cruiser hence comfy seat and low to the ground. It was cheap too - less than $2000 2nd hand.

I was a little fortunate to have several riders around me who constantly encouraged me to "get out and ride with us". In all manner of weather and conditions, they were there supporting me and encouraging me to learn skills. I connected with female riding groups in Australia and discovered a whole pile of new friendships, but most of all, it was fun!

There were the difficult moments for sure, waking up and bending, stretching, gyrating, jumping up and down on one foot, twisting from side to side, hopping around and turning circles - and that was just getting the pants on. After such a strenuous workout you almost don't feel like riding - almost! Bring on Bali, I need to kick those extra 8kgs!

I also find it amusing when I am lecturing at a conference in business attire, zip out the back once done, throw on leathers, and stride out helmet in hand, you can hear jaws drop and I still find it funny when they ask "You ride"? I'm tempted to say "No, I just like all the leathers and carrying the helmet around to look cool".

However, eyes firmly back on the prize, I needed my full licence and so the day dawned to one of the biggest thunderstorms Melbourne had ever seen, roofs were off houses, trees down everywhere, torrential rain, but no lightning, so the testing goes ahead. I think pretty much every one dropped their bike at least once that day, For me, it was on the very last test of the day, quick stop in wet conditions on a bike that was not mine - boom. Locked it up, straight under the wheels and legs jammed through the bike.

As the instructors lifted the bike off me, they said "before you get up, you failed the test, we can retest you today, but only if you aren't hurt, How are you?"

"Fine, I squeaked through gritted teeth.

"OK, go over there, wait your turn and do it again"

By the time it was my turn I was shivering to the bone, shaking from shock, cold and stress, the end result - a pass - just!
I'll take it and valuable lessons learnt about handling in difficult conditions.
As the skies opened up once more the instructor said "Here's your score, you passed, but you're a better rider than this indicates, now here's where the truth may kick in, get off your bike and walk"

"Umm, I can't" I whispered as my leg buckled under me. "Thought so" he replied, "lets get some medicals out here".

Not sure whether to cry or be delighted - but a pass none the less and I am sure I'm a better rider for it.

MY PILLION BUDDY:
Getting in some track practice at Broadford
Fantastic dedicated "Girls Dirt Day" Instructors
A friend of mine is a female race instructor for girls learning to ride and asked if perhaps Emma may like to learn, "Sure, why not, maybe she will understand pillion balancing a little better, which has to be good. She was delighted to be decked out in armour, taken up to Broadford track for a "Girls Dirt Day"

She absolutely loved it and gained some great skills herself.

BACK TO BALI:
Driving in bali can at once appear maniacal, like a nest of ants running in every direction, a complete cesspool of madness, smells of exhaust fumes and the pungent waft of durian mingle with tropical frangipanis. Your skin swelters in the unknown heat and humidity as perspiration trickles down your back. The thought of riding a bike in Bali has terrified many tourists.

This is actually a good thing, Bali is not the place to ride a bike if you have no experience, people can and do regularly get hurt, maybe even just from falling off a track into the muddy ricefields as much as skidding under a truck in a busy intersection.

However, if you do decide to brave it, theres a few things that are good to know. Firstly make sure your bike has full insurance, ask to see the papers. You will be paying 20,000-50,000rupiahs ($2=5) per day to hire the bike, so a little bit more for insurance won't hurt you. But if you are uninsured and you crash the bike, the person you rented it from my lose the equivalent to 1-20 years of wages.

Then there's the traffic, remember most of these people do not have insurance and therefore definitely do not want to be in an accident. They will generally be overly cautious, especially at intersections.

Now here's where (for western riders) if gets confusing, when you approach a crossing without traffic lights (if theres lights you must still obey them), you just inch forward and carefully merge with the flow of traffic, like ants it will generally part and you can weave your way from one side to the other.

The other trick if you are a bit scared at an intersection is align yourself with a larger vehicle, preferably a bus or a truck and just carefully sit beside them as they do the weaving through for you (just watch they don't turn your way).

The first traffic jam you find yourself in, say peak hour through Denpasar where trucks and buses intermingle with motorcyclists - sometimes up to 7 across, all wedged in together can be nerve wracking to say the least. You are gridlocked, no ones moving, the fumes are making your eyes water and the bike in front of you has his exhaust angled in such a way that it constantly puffs in your face like an ignorant smoker. However, I've actually struck up a few friendships this way. The kids laugh and shyly grin at you, we've offered them sweets which a little hand quickly grabs from you and a few Indonesian words like "Chantik" (Pronounced CHAN-TEAK) which means "beautiful" when looking at a little one, will bring adoring smiles form their parents and endless "Terima Kasihs" (Thank you). You just have to admit, those tiny helmets to fit the babies are pretty adorable too.

HONK AWAY:
Sometimes they will honk (actually it's probably more like a beep), don't take this personally if its a quick honk, it means "I'm just letting you know I'm behind you so I don't frighten you/ so you don't pull out into me". Similarly 2 quick honks can mean the same thing or perhaps "Hello, I know you my friend" or "Oh look a middle aged woman with white skin and a child, isn't that interesting, I think I'd like to look at her face, hello, hello, helllloooooo".

One long honk is considered very rude and therefore generally only used for emergencies or if someone is very angry (which really doesn't happen too much in Bali). I asked my driver about this and he replied "Oh, no , we would never honk, because someone has made a mistake, maybe tomorrow I will make a mistake and I wouldn't like someone to do that to me. We are very understanding of other drivers".

There are endless places to rent motorbikes from and if you ask around I'm sure you'll find one in a few questions.
Most people ride scooters, in particular "Scoopys" they are fun. You can put things under the seat, they generally have a hanging hook in the front for shopping and are extremely economical.
You also don't need to change gears, hence its really just throttle for go and brake for stop, thats about it.
To completely fill one up to the top with petrol will cost (in 2014) around 18,000rp ($1.80) and that should last you for a full days touring or several days to a week if just around town.

 Bike organised, it is an amazing feeling of the wind in your hair, the cool breeze calms even the hottest days and you have a sense of freedom, even if it's just zipping down to a local warung (cafe).

Worth the stress of the Melbourne license testing, you bet!

My lovely Bali Scoopy. I can even carry the groceries home on her!

Organic Weekly Market at Pizza Bagus

If you love your produce Farm Fresh AND organic. you'll relish in getting along to this small but extremely well stocked market.
You can even pick up your treats for the weekend.

Click here for the full article
http://www.weekendnotes.com/organic-weekly-market-pizza-bagus/

The Freshest and most delicious produce

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Fresh Donut Day at Casa Luna

It the thought of a fluffy melt in the mouth donut makes your mouth water, I'd love to share a once a week special day with you.

Click here for the full information
http://www.weekendnotes.com/fresh-donut-day-casa-luna/


Tuesday, November 4, 2014

A busy (normal) day in Ubud

I have been so busy experiencing Bali (& yes I have soooooo much to share with you) that I haven't as yet found time to write much

Today for example:
Firstly I did an amazing workshop to release any energy blockages around perfect relationships.

Then bought Emma a take away pizza and managed to drive home on the motorbike with one hand whilst clutching the pizza box I'd loosely attached to the back of the bike (getting talented)

Then decided to sit in the hammock and do some emails. Emma woke me up at 4.30pm to go (wow, that session must have really shifted some stuff to sleep all day.

Next off to our hoopyogini class, so now I can do yoga and hula hoop at the time - is there no end to these amazing skills to be learnt here.

BTW - I can now do yoga and hula hoop all at the same time - go me!

Quick dinner at Biah Biah which cost all of $7.50 for both of us for 4 dishes and 2 freshly squeezed juices

Then up to Bar Luna for a speakeasy/writers night with the wonderfully talented speakers/authors/writers of Ubud.

A fun speakers night at Bar Luna (under Casa Luna)


Later at home - I can catch up with my aussies friends via facebook, skype and messages.

Now on to some office work, what's not to love about this place.